Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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