So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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