Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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