dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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