I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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