So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
