they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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