You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am available for nakedness
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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