I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
