Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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