can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
