If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize