my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
