whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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