i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
