Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I smell stomach acid.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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