he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
