he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
