I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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