I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
