I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
