My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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