So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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