Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
