Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
