Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
