your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
