just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
