Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
