Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need a beard to bite.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
