i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
