Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize