She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
