You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
honey bunches of taint.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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