I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
