im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
