is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
