Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
