I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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