You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
