Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
