If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
