the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I could fuck to npr.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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