Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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