You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
