i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I didn't notice because vodka
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
