Don't make out with my wife yet
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
