"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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