I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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