Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
