Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
