i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
