dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
