Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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