The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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