Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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