My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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