Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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