why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
