And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just want nice things and good sex
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
