soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
