He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
