i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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