I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
