You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
