Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
