Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize