your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
