just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Your cock deserves a montage
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
