I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
