life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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