My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
