Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize