....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
