woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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