be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
