I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize