I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
