Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have fence marks all over my body
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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