bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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