I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
