You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
