Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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