dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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