Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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