you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize