their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
