You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
