I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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