Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
