why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
