4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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