What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
