And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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