Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
