Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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