I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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