We need to rekindle our bromance
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
