Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
