I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
