Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
