So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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