I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
