the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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