Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
