Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize