After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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