My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
