This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
