is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
