the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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